Life in 2024 is so much different than when we were children. The world has changed, and with it, the way we live and parent. While modern conveniences have made our lives easier in some ways, modern life comes with some drawbacks that can cause stress and strain for our children and our relationship with them. In order to maintain healthy parent-child relationships, here are 6 things to be aware of.
1. Stress and Being Oversubscribed
Stress is ever-present in our modern lives. Too many commitments, not enough money, poor sleep, and not enough support where it is needed add to the load. Constantly shuttling family members from one place to another takes time and energy when parents are already short on both. When you are stressed, it is harder to respond to your child with empathy and compassion and harder to make time for meaningful one-on-one time together, both important ingredients for healthy parent-child relationships.
2. Too Many Toys and Gadgets
Many parents buy their children a lot of toys, sometimes as a way to express love for them, sometimes because it is hard to say no to your child because of a fear of tantrums in the store or of your child not liking you or out of guilt for not being able to spend more time with your child. Things pile up when people have difficulty getting rid of items that are no longer being used. Add to that the myriad of gadgets that are supposed to make adults’ lives easier, and you end up with a lot of clutter. This excess creates stress that disturbs everyone’s peace, leading to tension and arguments between family members.
3. Lack of Independence
It is now the norm for parents to drive children everywhere, and for adults to be present at every place children spend time in. While adult supervision is often necessary, it has become common for children to not have the opportunity to solve problems and negotiate difficult situations on their own. Additionally, many children and teens have their own cell phone, allowing almost instant contact with parents for the smallest conundrums. A lack of independence can cause anxiety in children and lead to an over-dependence on adults for even minor decisions and problems. Part of healthy parent-child relationships is the child having an age-appropriate level of independence, and children knowing that their parents have confidence in their ability to solve problems.
4. Cell Phones
In addition to fostering an over-reliance on parents, having a cell phone can expose children and teens to dangerous things online such as violence, pornography, and predators. It is also very difficult for people of all ages to put their devices to the side and engage in real conversation with family members and friends. Spending too much time with a cell phone can also interfere with the time children need to spend alone reflecting and learning to creatively amuse themselves. To read more about children and cell phone use from an industry expert, check out this article.
5. Television and Video Games
How much time do your family members spend in front of a screen? And what images and themes are you allowing into your mind? In order to keep viewers’ attention, producers must create content that is quick-moving, keeps you on the edge of your seat with suspense, and often that depicts content that violates appropriate boundaries between people or even violates basic decency, all so you’ll keep watching. These images and themes can have a negative effect on developing minds and brains, and on how people treat one another.
6. Comparisons with Others
Many families experience tremendous pressure to “keep up” with those around them in terms of fashion choices, home décor, what activities the children participate in, and other things. Constant pressure to spend money contributes to less time spent at home when parents must work extra to pay the bills after more money has been spent. Pressure to look perfect or put together all the time can result in parents pressuring children to not show their emotions in public, or even punishment when the family returns home if the child “acts out”.
What to Do?
Not all of these things are “bad” but they can be detrimental to healthy parent-child relationships if allowed to get out of control. Other things should be avoided as much as possible. As a parent, there are things you can do. Decide what your core values are for your family and look at each of the above things through that lens when making decisions.
The most important factor in a strong, healthy parent-child relationship is the parent being attuned to the child and reliably meeting their needs. This means they both need to be spending time together in a way that the child is able to signal their needs to the parent and the parent to be able to accurately interpret the child’s cues and sensitively meet the need. Have discussions with family members about ways everyone’s needs can be met in the family. You can read more about strengthening your relationship with your children here, and read more about improving your communication with your children here. If you need extra support navigating the challenges of modern life and the stresses that come with it, consult with a professional for guidance.
