Dear God: Thank you for helping me unclog the kids toilet just now, although I recognize I must have looked funny doing it naked, especially from your view up there. Taking care of that toilet was the last item on my To-Do List before I leave for my two-day-one-redeye business trip to California, so I especially appreciate your help.

Yikes. Being a girl today is hard work. Those of us who were once teenage girls know firsthand there is no creature on earth as critical and perfectionistic as a teenage girl. However, our squeaky clean friends at The Dove Self-Esteem Fund have collected astounding data quantifying precisely how challenging it is to be a girl in American today.

6:15 am. I am awake, people, and I have to pee! Which is why I am putting my paws on the side of your bed, and trying very hard to get my tongue to reach your face. I know you dont like it when I pee on your carpet, but seriously, if you dont get your lazy ass out of bed in the next thirty seconds, I am going to have no choice. NO CHOICE, do you hear me?

People who frequent the blogosphere love to argue about womens equality and lack thereof, at home and at work, and to dissect hot-button subjects like equal pay and gender discrimination, who changes the diapers and who takes out the trash, in our relationships and in society at large. And I love to argue right back.

I have two daughters. Between three to five both went through utterly insane princess phases. You know, periods during which they SLEPT in the itchy blue Cinderella dress and showered in the excruciatingly painful, lethally-slippery glass slippers (which were actually made out of plastic)?