Whatever you reinforce with your child is what you’re going to create more of. When you notice positive traits and make a point to praise those qualities, your child’s behavior will match. By continually noticing negative actions and ignoring positive deeds, you may actually increase negative behavior in your child.
Laura’s Story
My friend Laura told me a story that’s a beautiful example of the power of reinforcement. When Laura was a young girl, she left her tricycle in the middle of the driveway one day. When her father returned from a long day of work he had to get out of his car to move her tricycle. He stormed into the house and loudly asked Laura to, “PLEASE remove the tricycle from the driveway!”
Obedience
The next day, Laura obediently remembered to put her tricycle inside the garage. She stood inside the house proudly waited for her father to return from work. He drove in and parked, but didn’t notice the tricycle neatly parked in the garage. He calmly walked into the house past Laura and said nothing.
And Again
The following day, Laura put her tricycle in the garage again, hoping this time her Dad would notice. Again, he returned but said nothing. On the fourth day, Laura decided to leave the tricycle in the driveway and she got an angry response. The upset attention of her father felt better than his coldness and indifference. This started a pattern of Laura seeking out negative attention from the men in her life.
Negative Attention
The following day, Laura put her tricycle in the garage again, hoping this time her Dad would notice. Again, he returned but said nothing. On the fourth day, Laura decided to leave the tricycle in the driveway and she got an angry response. The upset attention of her father felt better than his coldness and indifference. This started a pattern of Laura seeking out negative attention from the men in her life.
The Results are Worth It
Negative attention can be better than no attention at all. This little story goes a long way toward showing that how you reinforce your child’s behavior now can affect how they’ll interact with themselves and others as they grow up. Positive reinforcement teaches children to gain attention by positive actions rather than negative ones. It takes a bit more awareness and attention, but the results are well worth it.
Notice and Praise
By noticing the small, positive actions your child takes – their versions of putting the tricycle away – you invite and inspire your child to enjoy doing well. Positive reinforcement will naturally translate into your child getting good grades, taking care of their health, choosing supportive friends, and staying away from potentially destructive behaviors. So the next time you ask your child to do something, notice and praise their positive behavior.
About the Author
Sophie Chiche is the founder of life by me, a Me management company
that offers resources that assist people in living a meaningful life. Sophie is an author, speaker, coach and entrepreneur.
She is a single mother of an amazing 15 year old, Leah. They live in Los Angeles.
