Dating after a divorce is often much more complicated than dating before you were married. With kids around, the stakes are much higher. Still, you deserve to have a loving adult relationship, and you can’t do that if you aren’t willing to go on a few dates. Tread carefully when dating and you’re sure to be a success.
Benefits
As a single mother, you spend most of your time and energy on your children. This isn’t always the best choice for you. Connecting with another adult can be good for you. “Psychology Today Magazine” reports that married people live longer than single people, which may be enough to prompt you to get back in the game.
Time Frame
Before you start dating again, you have to give yourself time to heal. Jumping into a new relationship right away may make you feel better right away, but it could hurt you in the long run. You need to make the time to determine who you are outside a relationship, which will help you to keep your sense of self when you are in a relationship. You may also want to wait until your children are ready to see you dating again. The amount of time that this takes varies from person to person, but it could be as short as six months or as long as 10 years.
Considerations
When you are dating with children, things can get a lot more complicated. You need to be sure to have a reliable babysitter so that you don’t have to unexpectedly cancel a date or try to take your kids along with you. You don’t need to hide the fact that you’re dating from your children, but you don’t need to introduce them to every man who takes you out to a movie. Only introduce the men you are serious about.
Effects
Watching parents date after a divorce can be difficult for children. They may worry that your new man will take too much time away from them. It also destroys any fantasies that they may have had about their parents getting back together. It could cause your child to become depressed or to act out to get more attention from you.
Warning
Deciding to have sex with the man you’re dating is an important step. You need to model the behavior that you want your kids to have. If you’re telling your children that they should wait until marriage to have sex, you should be willing to do the same yourself. If you think that it’s OK to have sex outside of marriage, you should be upfront with your children about when it’s OK to do so.
Photo Credit
- attractive couple image by Mat Hayward from Fotolia.com
