Moving Day!

So today is the day we finally move into our new house.  We have spent the past week painting and cleaning…getting it ready for us to bring our things over.  Sunday night the kids and I talked about our last night in the house and what we would remember from being there.  In the walls of that tiny house we found a way to be a family again after divorce.  We lived in that house when Nana was diagnosed with cancer, we lived there while she fought for her life, and that is the house we were in when she died.  We also found our strength in that house.  The strength that comes during hard times when you lean on each other.  We found out how to smile and laugh again in that tiny house.  We let the world see into our lives not once but twice when we filmed the show.  Yes, the walls of this house hold so many memories and stories for all of us.  Leaving is bittersweet.  The movers got held up yesterday and at 3:30 in the afternoon finally called to see if they could come today at 2 pm instead.  That would mean one more night in our old house.  To be very honest….a part of me was relieved.  I am a little sad and scared to leave.  I know how to make life “work” with the children in this little rental house.  My heart aches thinking what if I can’t make it okay for the children in our new house?  How long will it take until it feels like home?  There is a little piece of me that is holding back the tears just wanting to say “wait, this isn’t the life I thought I would have.  I don’t want to be the single mom taking her six children to start over.  I want my old life back…I want to be married…I want to hide in my husband’s  arms when I get worried and know that together we can do anything”.  But the reality is that I can’t.  That is not my life anymore and this is.  My head knows that moving is one of the most stressful things you can experience in life.  I see each of my children expressing it in a different way.  The little ones seem to have the most anxiety…I just want to get it done for them.
So in a few hours the movers will be here and I will put the key under the mat for the house that is no longer ours.  Tonight we start a new chapter….one that the children and I can write together in this new house that we will fill with memories.