Ask Melissa - Our Etiquette Savvy Mom

Dear Melissa,

I’m a happily married mom of two but I find myself in an awkward situation. There’s a dad in my son’s first-grade class who, well, floats my boat. And I think the feeling’s pretty mutual. He’s everything I would have dreamed of for a husband – handsome, smart, charming and a little shy. He seeks me out at school functions and birthday parties. I enjoy talking to him but feel I have to keep my distance. By the way, I also think his wife is lovely, although I can see that there is some distance between the two of them. I make sure that she never sees her husband with me but he’s always making a straight line for me whenever we’re at the same event. How do I handle this situation?

Thanks Melissa!

- Amanda, New York

Amanda –

I feel I must be frank with you and it may sound harsh what I am going to say, but it must be said – for both your sake and your family! This is not an episode of Desperate Housewives, this is real life and you are on the cusp of making a very big mistake for you, your marriage and your children, not to mention the casualties from his family!

STOP NOW and as Dr. Phil says, “Let’s keep it real.” You cannot in one statement say you are happily married and in the next say that this stranger is everything you dream of in a husband. Perhaps, this man is so appealing because you don’t really know him. Perhaps you are enjoying the chase and the intrigue. Perhaps you need to keep a bit busier and find a hobby besides daydreaming about another woman’s husband. Whatever the reason, this situation, if taken to the next level, isn’t going to end like a romantic movie but rather will become a horror flick.

Again, let’s keep it real and look at how this situation will probably work…you will end up having an affair, keeping secrets, destroying your marriage, getting found out, becoming the mom who destroyed two happy families and two marriages…oh, and not to mention that your husband, if he chooses to stay with you, may never trust you again. That is strain enough on an already crumbling foundation. Now, please ask yourself if you are prepared to deal with all of this for a man who “floats your boat”. And we wonder why so many marriages end in divorce!

Now, what to do? Well, first off, stop seeking him out and if he seeks you out, walk the other way. You must make a concerted effort to stop this behavior and the feelings will pass…especially since summer is coming and there will be no school functions to attend. Be strong and steer clear of him, as keeping him in your sights will just make him harder to avoid and keep those feelings burning inside of you. Don’t make yourself so available at functions and parties. He’ll get the picture very soon. It also might be a good idea to write in a gratitude journal to remind yourself why your life is so special!