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How to Be a Relaxed Parent

Rule Four: Accept that no matter how good a parent you are, your baby will cry.

At times, your little darling will reach a state of over-stimulation and start crying hysterically. In these instances, when nothing seems to make a difference, you're right -- nothing makes a difference. You know she isn't hungry, because the more you feed her, the more she kicks you. You keep rocking her and walking in circles, but to no avail. This is the point at which you have to learn a very important life-saving maneuver (I'm talking about your life): Put her in the bassinet and let her cry out her frustrations.

Why is she crying?

Because she is no longer inside you.

She has to blow off steam, and crying is the only way she knows how to express frustration.

Once you understand this very simple fact, parenting becomes a heck of lot less stressful. Attempting to suppress your baby's crying at all costs denies her a simple way to chill out, and that makes her cry even more. It can even make her colicky, which will make you miserable for several months.

Rule Five: Address sleeping issues early.

In my years of practice, I've found that a laid-back parent is a parent who, above all, gets enough sleep.

True, you aren't expected to sleep well at first. Right after birth, your baby needs a lot of contact with you. Every time he wakes up, he naturally finds you feeding him, rocking him, or both, which soothes him back to sleep. This is all fine and good, but if you're too quick to soothe him at night, his need will very quickly turn into a habit, and you'll find yourself awake every couple of hours. This sad state of affairs will persist for many months, until you become resentful enough to resort to the ugly "crying-it-out" method.

To prevent that situation, encourage your baby from the very beginning to learn how to soothe himself back to sleep throughout the night.

How?

Very simple. As soon as your baby and you have been acquainted for a week or so, resolve not to respond so quickly to the nightly squirming and grunting that all newborns do naturally -- and loudly.

Using what I call in my book a laissez-faire approach, I teach parents to put their heads under their pillows in these instances and respond only to the all-out feeding requests. Follow this advice, and your baby will sleep through the night by two or three months of age. You will love him even more.

Rule Six: Don't over-stimulate.

When it comes to a baby and stimulation, less is more. Especially in the first few months, all your little one needs is food, lodging, and your natural, unforced cuddling.

No need for expensive toys, flashcards, or baby videos.

Keep it simple, and understand that developmental milestones occur at different ages for different babies.

Rule Seven: Avoid unnecessary interventions or medications.

Refrain from sticking anything in or on a baby that will not help or may even hurt. By this I mean nasal aspirators, saline drops, worthless anti-colic and anti-gas medications, fancy medicated diaper creams, and moisturizers, to name a few.

In my practice, where I promote this low-intervention philosophy, many parents have never administered any medication to their kids, because they've never needed to.

I have to say, it was a hard sell at first, but now these parents are enjoying the benefits of this approach stronger immune systems, reduced exposure to side-effects, and less resistance to antibiotics (when they're truly needed).

If you follow these seven rules scrupulously, I promise that you will be like the parents who tell me at every visit, "I have no questions. She eats well, she sleeps well, and she is very happy. She is just wonderful." Your entire approach will be more laid-back. Not to say that you'll be irresponsible -- no, on the contrary. Having confidence in your parenting abilities and knowing what to expect, you'll be able to focus on what's important, whether that means having a good time with your family, or ensuring that the little one gets immediate medical care when it's really needed.

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