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How to Unspoil Your Child

After returning from vacation, you open the refrigerator and realize you've left a half carton of milk. No problem. Simple solution for spoiled milk: You throw it out. But what happens when you come face-to-face with your entitled child who's demanding the new iPhone, Tickle Me Elmo Extreme, the latest Barbie or Furby? It seems that "all the kids at

Don't despair. Although the fix is not quite as easy as pouring sour milk down the drain, there are steps you can, and should, take to turn things around. The good news for parents is that spoiled children can be un-spoiled.

Keeping Up With the Joneses -- and the Joneses Jr.

In the United States, and increasingly worldwide, parenting has become a competitive sport. Just as we may want what our neighbors have, we may also want our children to keep up with their peers. Moreover, every parent wants their children to be happy. These attitudes create a "culture of yes," an endless and escalating buying cycle of new and often expensive clothes, toys, activities, electronics, and anything else that Madison Avenue (or your child) anoints as the "new, new thing."

While the competition for the latest hot thing can rage all year, the holidays pour gasoline on the fire. As children are bombarded by advertising via television, magazines, and the Internet, parents are bombarded with a barrage of "I want," "I have to have," and "Jamie is getting it."

Love Means Limits

Whether you're setting limits for your very young child or facing off with a teen, you can deprogram spoiled children. From time to time all parents have responsibilities that prevent them from spending as much time with their children as they would like. Perhaps the boss keeps you late or you miss one of your child's soccer games. It is important to abandon those guilty feelings that may cause you to feel a need to compensate with gifts or give in to children's demands.

Children need structure and limits. Saying "NO" is a parenting service you want to provide. By chronically giving in to your children, you actually do them a disservice �?? holiday time or not. Curbing indulgences, and that includes managing the inflow of gifts from grandparents and other relatives, prepares them for the real world. They come to understand that they can't have everything they want and will be better able to cope with life's disappointments.
    

They'll Thank You For the Memories

During this season, many parents accept and rather enjoy splurging and spoiling. They view it as a given, a tradition that is an essential part of their holiday. Traditions and rituals can change without ruining the festivities. What's really important is memory building.

The research I did for Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day underscored for me that children get over disappointment far faster than adults. Surprisingly, when you ask adults about their childhood, what they remember are the things family did together or a quirky inexpensive gift they received �?? not the big splashy must-have of the moment. It is ironic that we hear that message over and over from the credit card companies, the industry most dependant on conspicuous consumption. But the truth is and always will be: It is those things money can't buy that are truly priceless�?�and memorable.

Read on for 12 Tips to Deprogramming the Spoiled Child...

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