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Been There, Peed Here

An Emergency Bathroom Guide
For Pregnant Women and Those with Young Children

1. Malls - An exercise in bladder and financial control. Bladder control because it can take hours to navigate through the maze of stores. Financial control because inevitably one of those stores will be having a great sale.

2. Libraries - A handy bathroom and an endless supply of reading material, if needed.

3. Hotels - Most hotels have nice, clean bathrooms in their lobbies - presumably for those paying the big bucks to stay there.

4. Department stores - The facilities are located in the back of upper floors to discourage people like you from stopping by.

5. Hospitals - Numerous public restrooms and a good place for an inexpensive cup of coffee.

6. Maternity Stores - This is your KINGDOM. They want you (actually it's your money they want but why quibble) and given the nature of their clientele it's mandatory that they have bathrooms.

7. Grocery Stores - A regional recommendation. Small towns and small cities, good. New York City? Forget it. Even store employees have to fight to get the key.

8. Fast Food Restaurants - Careful. Once they reel you in they overwhelm you with the genetically-engineered scent of their french fries.

9. Restaurants with Bar Scenes - Be it an upscale eatery or a T.G.I. Fridays, restaurants with bar scenes rarely notice a passing pee-er.

10. Gas Stations - A last resort. Words to live by? Don't squat. Stand.

Laura Wolf is a novelist and television writer. Her most recent book Diary of a Mad Mom-To-Be is a comedic look at pregnancy.

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