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How to Raise a Polite Child

Tip #3 – No Means No

Most parents can relate to the five acts of Hamlet that they must go through after telling their toddler ‘No!’  Many parents tell their toddler that she can’t do or have something by saying “No”.  They then ask her to stop, then they plead, then they deal with the ensuing tantrum or cry-fest and give up altogether and give in!  Why did they bother saying ‘No’ in the first place? 

Teaching your child to understand that ‘No’ means no, is not as hard as it may seem.  As soon as your child can sit up and crawl, you can begin to teach him.  If he goes near an electrical cord or touch something he should not, firmly tell him, “No!”  Next, physically remove him from the object or situation.  Of course, no one expects a 6-month old to understand and obey, but eventually he will learn that when Mommy says no, it is best to do as he is told.  As your child begins to walk, it is helpful to get down to their level, have them look you in the eyes and firmly tell them ‘No’ when they are misbehaving. 

Toddlers are much smarter than we often give them credit for being.  If you say no and then give in, you are teaching them that crying and whining is the way to get what they want.  Be consistent and in the long run, your hard work and effort will pay off.  You will have a child that listens the first time. Children who listen are often more polite and will be looked upon favorably by other adults in their life.

Tip #4 – Extend that Paw!

A child who shakes hands is a rare sight these days, but it shouldn’t be this way.  Learning to shake hands not only gives your child more confidence to interact with adults, but shows respect.  You can start teaching your child to shake hands as early as one year of age.  Cheerfully tell her to ‘shake hands and say hello’ and put her hand in the other person’s hand.  This will instill the principle and make it second nature. 

As she approaches the age of two, you should begin teaching her some basic handshaking rules.  First, extend the right hand.  Of course, there will be many, many times when you will have to say, “wrong hand.”  Second, have her make eye contact with the person. How many times have you said hello to a child and he stares down at his feet?  Making eye contact is something children struggle with, so gently lift your little one’s chin if necessary. 

Third, teach her to squeeze the hand and say “Hi, nice to see you”.  By age three, she will have it down pat and you can have your child add the name of the person they are shaking hands with.  Have your child shake hands when they arrive and when they leave.  Teaching your children to shake hands is a lesson that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.  There is nothing worse than a fishy or pathetic handshake from a grown adult. It shows a lack of confidence and authority so teach them while they are young!

Tip #5 – One for You, One for Me!

When children don’t share, we tend to solve the problem by taking the toy or item away and giving it to the other child, without explanation. A simple, “SHARE” is usually uttered in a loud decibel and we go about our business of tending to our house or chores.

Taking the time to explain why it is important to share will ingrain the principle in their little noggins. We will not always be in the next room to break up the argument between children whenever sharing becomes an issue. Thus, we must teach our children to stand on their own and do the right thing. By instilling the sharing principle over and over, we won’t have to worry about them when we aren’t around. People remember a kind and generous child, while a rude and snatchy one isn’t usually invited back as often.

Tip #6 – Don’t Just ‘Let It Go’

How many times over the course of a day are we too busy or hassled to take care of something we deem impolite or inappropriate? It seems, if my case, that my children are apt to misbehave when I am chatting on a much-needed call with a friend. Rather than apologizing to the caller and getting off the phone to take care of the situation, we tend to wave the kids away, yell a quick “YOU BETTER STOP THAT,” (sometimes we press mute, sometimes we help to add to the deafness of the friend) and return to our call -- only to forget to deal with it after we are done.

Don’t just let things go! Rather, you will find instant results if you take care of the situation then and there. Quick enforcement of rules will make more of an impact than waiting to handle it when it happens again. Putting our children first will help instill those positive behaviors we so desperately want them to have when in public, at play-dates or at school.

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