Ask Jill & Jennifer - Modern Mom's Sleep Experts

Hello!

I have 2 children, a 3 ½ year old son and a 2 year old daughter. We have major sleep issues.

My son is still on a bottle at night time. He uses this as a crutch to fall asleep. He has a history of poor sleeping due to sleep apnea. We had his tonsils and adenoids removed 4 months ago. This surgery did help him sleep somewhat better, however we are stuck with the bottle now as it was the only thing that got him to sleep in the past, he has learned to depend on it. He has his own bed in his own room, but likes for me to lay with him. I tried the Ferber method with my son when he was 11 months old and he ended up crying for 4 hours straight and I had a melt down.

My daughter is just turning two this month. She has a pacifier that she is addicted to, both for sleep and at times during the day. I need advice on how to get my children off of the bottle and pacifier.

I am very sleep-deprived and in desperate need of help.

Thank you, Candace

Sorry to hear you're having so much trouble with your little ones.

Let's address your sons issues first. As long as he is now in good health, it's time to let him know that he'll need to learn to fall asleep without the bottle. You can tell him that for a very long time, he's been sucking his bottle before he falls asleep, but that you talked to the "sleep teacher" and she said that when kids turn 3, it's time to say goodbye to the bottle at bedtime. Tell him that it's not good for his teeth to be drinking milk as he falls asleep because it can cause boo-boos on his teeth in the long run. Allow him to choose an object, like a stuffed animal or blanket, that he can hold and hug as he falls asleep to replace the bottle. When he protests, let him know that you understand this is a big change and that you'll be there to give him big hugs as he learns. We wouldn't recommend you stopping laying down with him until he's made the bottle adjustment. Once he's comfortable falling asleep with just your presence and no bottle, you can move forward to the next step being you moving yourself out of the room before he falls asleep. Begin to lay with him for less and less periods of time and let him know when you're going to do some "mommy things" but that you'll be back to check on him shortly. Then check on him from the door frequently, but don't lay down again. He's perfectly capable of adjusting to these changes as long as they're taken slowly and gently with lots of empathy around making the changes!

As far as your daughter is concerned, we don't advocate getting rid of the pacifier completely until she's around 3 years old. During the delicate ages of 18 months to 3 years, children are going through some big emotions around growing up versus being a baby. It's important not to pull any very special regressive objects during this age range (i.e. bottles, pacifiers, cribs) unless absolutely necessary. She'll be much more capable of coping with changes like losing the pacifier at the age of 3. That being said, it is a good idea to LIMIT the pacifier just to sleep times at this point, as constant daytime use could delay her speech. Tell her that the paci needs to stay in her crib for sleep time and don't allow her to use it unless she's in the crib. This will help her differentiate when it's ok to use and when it's not. Although she may tantrum a bit during the day, try to distract her or simply let her know that although she's upset, she may not have the paci until naptime or bedtime. Eventually, she'll adjust and will stop expecting the pacifier during the day.

Take one change at a time. If you feel the situation with your son is more urgent, start to work on his sleep issues first and once they are resolved, you can then focus properly on your daughter.

Best of luck!