Ask Melissa - Our Etiquette Savvy Mom

I'm sure many moms reading this wish they could have reached through the phone, shaken this woman and said, "Good god lady, have some sympathy!" I do agree that her decision to serve peanut butter is extremely insensitive and not to mention ungracious (which a hostess should never be), considering your son's allergy.

Many children with these allergies can't even be in close proximity to peanut butter and if this is the case, you should definitely decline the invitation.

If this is not the case, this situation is a perfect opportunity to help your son understand that there will be places where food is served that he cannot eat. There will be times when nuts and food with nuts will be served, when you are not present, and he eventually will have to learn to discriminate between 'okay' and 'not okay' foods. Teaching him to understand this will give you peace of mind when you are not with him.

In this case, your friend certainly isn't being kind and thoughtful. Although you don't want to create WWIII over this, you can let her know how you feel without creating hard feelings. Be the bigger person! Let her know that you and your son would love to join her for the party. Tell her that although you prefer that peanut butter not be served because of your son's condition, you think it would be a good opportunity to teach your son what he can and cannot eat. Ask her if she will have something for your son to eat or whether she prefers you to bring a lunch. I know it may sound like you are letting her win, but you are being gracious and hopefully upon further thinking, she will realize how unkind and petty she is being.