Ask Melissa - Our Etiquette Savvy Mom

Kate - There are no set etiquette rules for inviting classmates to a birthday party. I certainly would not hand out invitations to all the kids, except two or three. Sit down with your son and discuss who he would like to invite and why. If there are only a few that he doesn't want invited, perhaps the party would be a good opportunity for him to get to know them better. If you are going to merely invite a handful of his school friends, mail the invitations rather than having your son hand them out in class. This way, hard feelings will be avoided. Don't plan the party for after school, so the children who are invited aren't buzzing around with excitement and talking about the upcoming party that afternoon. Remind your son not to discuss the party at lunch or the playground, as word will get around. It is not that you are keeping a secret, but rather you are teaching him to be discreet.

If a parent approaches you about why their child wasn't invited, politely explain that you are keeping the party small this year and that you invited just a few of his classmates. I would hope another parent would not do such a thing, but you never know.

Remember, there may be times where your son is not invited to a classmate's party and if this occurs, this would be a good opportunity to discuss that sometimes everyone can't be invited every time.