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Dr Tanya - Our Resident Pediatrician

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Dear Dr. Tanya Remer-Altmann - I have a 2 1/2 year old son and a one month old son. My 2 1/2 year old will want to kiss and cuddle the baby one minute and then within seconds will try to hit him, kick him, head butt him, and step on him. We have tried to teach him appropriate ways to interact with the baby. When he has been aggressive we have put him in time out, we have taken things away from him, we have talked with him, we have yelled at him, and even tried spanking him (in a moment of weakness but to no avail). I can't turn my back to make lunch for my toddler because he will go after the baby, sometimes aggressively other times with overly physical affection. It is beginning to affect my relationship with my 2 year old to the point where I am starting to dread when he wakes up in the morning. What can I do? - Christy
Dr. Tanya Remer-Altmann says,

Christy -

Although your toddler's behavior may seem erratic, it is completely normal for his age. Toddler's are all about themselves and he has had you and your husband doting over him alone until recently. His life as he knew it turned upside down when his baby brother came home and he doesn't understand why.

Of course your baby's safety is the top priority and just as you wouldn't leave your toddler alone in an unsafe room, you can't leave a baby alone in a toddler's reach. It sounds like you are trying good methods of discipline (time out, taking away toys that he throws, etc.) so continue them consistently for bad behaviors that must be extinguished such as hitting and biting. In general, positive reinforcement works better than punishment as your toddler really wants to please you, even if it doesn't seem that way.  Several times a day praise him for things that he does right, no matter how small. Ask him to do small tasks, like bring you a diaper for the baby and then tell him what a good helper he is and give him a big hug. And don't forget to set aside special time alone with your toddler everyday to do something that he wants to do.  Hand off the baby to a helpful relative and take your toddler to the park. With a little patience, special time, positive reinforcement and consistent discipline your toddler can be a helpful instead of hurtful older sibling.

March 11, 2008
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