Ask Melissa - Our Etiquette Savvy Mom

Until last night, I could handle the continued focus on childbirth. We all went out to a nice restaurant for a "Mom's Night Out" and these two women dominated the conversation 75% of time still talking about their births, their breastfeeding, etc. They also talked poorly of moms they knew who weren't breastfeeding or didn't have a natural birth. Hello! Some of the women in the group who were at the same table at dinner weren't breastfeeding and had had C-sections!

I'm torn because I like these women when they talk about other things, and I don't want to create conflict by telling them I'm uncomfortable hearing them talk about their birth experience since they obviously love to discuss it so much. Help!

- Mom of twins who had a C-section and only breastfed for 3 months

We all know moms who talk incessantly about their episiotomies or lactating patterns. As you said, you enjoy these womens' company when they are not in 'birthing detail' mode or putting other mothers down. Thus, they are probably good women who need to realize the error of their ways. I think they are merely stuck in a pattern of discussing the same details over and over and over.

In addition, they are starting to feel superior, by thinking a natural birth and breastfeeding gives them super-mom status. Natural birth, C-Section, formula, breast milk -- no matter what path is taken (which most times is not in our control), raising a child is difficult and we moms needs to stick together. There is no need to put other mothers down for things that are sometimes out of their control.

This said, they may need a gentle push (note: not a shove!) to break this cycle and perhaps you are just the woman to help. Kind words and gently sticking up for others can have a huge effect. It is the polite way of saying, "Hey, cut that out," without sacrificing hard feelings. I am sure the other mothers in this group will follow your example. Every time a gory detail or potential put-down comes up, subtly steer the conversation away from the topic. For example:

TMI Mom: "Do you know that when I pushed out little Hannah, I bled so bad that I felt like my uterus would fall out?"

You: "How much does Hannah weigh now? When are you going to start oatmeal or table food with her?"

--> Conversation has now shifted to baby food!

TMI Mom: "I heard Kim down the street isn't going to breastfeed her son, isn't that just unreal?"

You: "Kim now has four kids under the age of five -- she must have her hands pretty full. Maybe we should invite her to join the playgroup! She seems like a really nice person."

--> Those who were talking negatively may now feel foolish for idle gossip.

Try this tactic for a few weeks and see if things change. If they don't, you may consider going your separate way and joining a new playgroup.